Lo and behold! With a push of a button, you can overwhelm yourself in so much crap it's not funny! And that Saturday night in partictular. I'm not talking about the usual Psychics selling irons that won't fuck up silk and if you call within the next 30 minutes, you get a set of free steak knives crap. I mean honest-to-goodness shit.

On channel 4 there was Mary Poppins, which is alright because the whole chalk thing reminds me of Alice in Wonderland, which reminds me of Alice in Floodland, which, therefore, reminds me ofThe Sisters of Mercy.

Next was MTV, the poplace's cry for over-ratedmusic sung by over-rated "rock stars". It was some techno thing, whichwas all right, as long as you didn't stare at the pretty colors too long.

Ah, TBN, home of the Lady With Huge Hair. She scares me....shudder. Well, this rant isn't about that. It's about Late Night TV sucking ass. Well, there was this guy who resembled Kahn from Wrath of Kahn. I forget his name. He kept talking to prisioners who probably were too busy playing "Drop the Soap" than to listen, and after every sentence, he said something along the lines of "bobbeldy gobbeldy goo." And they call me strange.

We need a reformation of late night TV. Giveus a channel that plays The Addams Family and The Munsters from 8pm to 8am. We want to be able to change to any station and see Winona Ryder as Lydia from Beetlejuice. And for crying out loud, bringback Kindred: The Embraced! Who gives a damn if the prince died? All princes die sometime! In a perfect world, you could flip to MTV and see a The Sisters of Mercy or Bauhaus, or Siouxsie video any time of day or night. In a perfect world, Puff Daddy, Hanson, the Spice Whores..I mean Girls, and the Backstreet Boys would be shot to put us out of our mercy. In a perfect world, you could buy little skull lolipops at any time of the year, not just a Halloween!

But if we had a perfect world, I would have nothing to rant about, would I?